To whom it may concern .

Why must you ask about my past ?

What has it got to do with my future ?

Why must you hurt me this way ?

You make me feel like a whore .

Rather than i hurt myself more , it's better to keep myself quiet .

It's up to you if you think what i did is not right or unreasonable .

What i know is , your words hurt me too much !

If you really want to know about my past , you're most welcome to get to know it BY YOURSELF !

Or maybe you want to be in it ?

I'm sick and tired of this stupid thingy .

If you think my past is more interesting than my present , then might as well leave me .

I don't want to hurt myself anymore .

Especially because of guys .

If you think i'm over-reacting , well , yes , i am .

I won't let anybody hurt me .

Be it the one i love or whoever who's in my life right now .

If you think we could be happy with you keep on asking about my past and hurt my feelings , well then , FUCK YOU !

I'm a human being full of sins and mistakes .

All i want is your love to go through all these pains and start anew .

But you keep on reminding me about my past .

You think i'm okay with it ?

Do you want me to write you a long composition about my life ?

Who i dated with , who i had sex with , how many rounds we had , where it happened , how it happened and whatever shits .

Would you like it if i were to ask you those questions ?

Ouh yahh ! You're a guy .

No loss anyway hurh .

Seems like you're giving up on me right ?

If you can stand it , neither do i .

Being with you , who keeps on asking me about my past , might as well i stay on my past right ?

Why must i find somebody NEW who always talks , asks and reminds me of my PAST ?

If you think you're better of without me and can't stand with my attitude , then just fuck off .

I think about myself first before thinking about others .

Why should i try not to hurt you when everything you do for me seems like bullshit the moment you started to mention about my past .

Yeah . I promised not to leave you .

But i ain't gona apologies for your stupid acts .

And if you were to leave me , i'm not going to stop eu either .

Do what you think is right for you .

If separation is the best for you and me , then just let it go .

Saye Zara Biolz

Thank You Friend .

Today is the 26 may 2011 .

Exactly 2 years back , on 26th may 2009 , was the first time we met .

Not holding on to the past we shared .

Just miss the moments we had .

You're a good friend .

How can i forget you .

I don't know why we ended up like this .

But i think you've made a good choice to stop being a friend of mine .

I really appreciate for everything you've done for us .

Thank you Sazali Bin Othman .

Muchly appreciated . (:

I Love You (:

Even after we argued or have any misunderstandings , i will still love you .

Even if you continue biting or pinching me , i will still love you .

Even when you said that you love Miko more than you love me , i will still love you .

Although you're shorter than me , i will still love you .

And although you sometimes keep some things to yourself , i will still love you .

I never get tired of telling you that i love you .

I never hated it when i missed you so much .

I never think of letting you go .

When you're infront of me , i just can't stop looking at you .

When you're not with me , i just can't stop thinking about you .

I can't remember when i started to love you .

I don't know why i love you .

But what i know is , I NEED YOU .

I always thought that guys the same age as me thinks immaturely .

But you proved me wrong .

And i love you more for that . (:

I know that you don't get to read whatever i post here in my blog , but i just want you to know that ,

I really do love you so much Muhammad Shakir .

I hope we'll go through everything TOGETHER .

And also hope that we will last forever . <3

My Baby You ~~

Boo ! Just want to do some updates .

Muhammad Shakir Bin Mohamad Sharom is the name .

08.05.2011 is the date .

He's a sweet guy . NOT handsome BUT cute . (:

Very the caring gitu lo .

And the best part is , i have a feeling that i could move on with my life with him .

That's a good thing right ? ((:

ABOUT HIM :

Gets older every 21st may .

Was born in 1991 .

Staying at Yishun .

Serving NS now . ORD on the 7th dec 2011 . SCDF at Jalan Bahar .

SHORT ! Hees . No offence b .

Part -time rider at MacDonald's .

Rides Super 4 Spec 1 .

Bonchet !

AND HE LOVES ME !! (:

Ouh yahh . This morning i dreamt about Toyol .

About us , spending time together and stuffs .

Sungguh takk perlu shey .

Didn't even think about him before i sleep .

How i dreamt about him also i don't know . Haish !

Please get out of my mind !! Thank you .

P/S : I Love You . <3

No Title .

I miss YOU ! ):

What A Coincidence !

Felt like eating Mak's Roti Kirai just now .

Then i sent a message to Zali .

That was really really really really really really random ehk bdw .

Then Titi messaged me telling me that Mak cooked Roti Kirai today .

Was so hapie . Wanted to go ther .

But was half-hearted .

Nothing got to do wif them or whoever .

Its just me .

Hmm . Mayb i will go later in the afternoon .

Den evenin or nyt wana go Iman's chalet .

Den mayb go out wif Diyan n Naz fer awhile . Den bck to the chalet n SLEEP !

Sunday goin to ECP . Yaya's burfdae .

I wana play Rollerblade !! I don't care !!!!!!!!!!!! ((:

Okay , now , shud i go to slep ? Hees .

I can slep . But my eyes r tired . ):

Ohh yahh . I haf a secret to tell .

Iman likes me .

But i can't seem to like him .

Mayb cus he's too quiet .

Shud gif him mor tym .

Teach me how to fall in love again .

I kinda forget how to . Hehs .

And to that Pai Ka , im really hapie fer him .

Hope he last long wif gf .

They really look kiyut tgt . Awwww !

Sweet2 !!

He's my one n only Abg Pai Ka . Hahahaha .

Okay . Buhbye ! Muahks !

<3

To My Dearest Stranger .

Heyy Stranger ,

I Miss You .

I Want You To Know How Much I Love And Miss You .

Yeahh , I Still Do . ):

fucked up !

heyy .
just now watched movie at cwp .
wif adi farhan .
we watched red riding hood den mars needs mom .
hees . den chill n drank a can of beer b4 going bck hm .
hmmm . den at fb momok said dat 'die dahh berpunye .'
down sekejap . but its not serious at all .
stakat calar jekk . takk luke ponn . haha .
Sunday , got kendarat n gona get drunk afta dat wif adi farhan , fadily , syed n fyfie .
only if i haf the mood to go lahh . hmmm .
just now Nazlie went out wif ayie ! fuck sia .
stress jap aku dibuatnye . haish .
dah lahh . tdor urh . nytes . (:

Just Bored (:

weeehoooooo !
at home , bored !
well , he went fer the operation yest .
all went well . thot of visitin him .
but , can i ?
if i can , shud i ?
if i shud , wud i ?
it's at j.e sia .
nehmind ! it all depends on momok .
if momok's gona visit him den i'll just tagg along . ((:
hope he's doin gud now .
wonderin if he's aslep .
tgh tinggikan ego niek .
tanak mcg die .
bialah die . haha . die igt die sorg ley ego .


hmmmm . i noe im strong enuff to let go .
but y i didnt ? siao !
haha . wad saket aty jekk .
buang mase jekk .
takyah lahh nakk pk2 .
im hapie now .
so y shud i think abt sumtin which makes me unhapie .
tol takk ?
takk tau lahh kan .
bdw . on 5th march , Sat , went fer bbq pit .
saw EC ther .
he kol me minah batam !
kwang asam tols .
sengaje kcao org . org takk kcau die tuh dah urh .
mangkok urh diktuhh . besar pehh mangkok .
den on the 8th , momok ajak lpak nan EC .
den i said i dowan .
then EC kol me tnye nak lpak ke takk .
momok showed the mcgs btwn me n him to EC .
tuh lagyk satu mangkok . haha .
but they r nice ppl . FRIENDS i mean .
i made a bet with momok .
hu drinks hafta treat swensen's . haha .
actualy i did dat cus i wana restrain maself frm drinkin .
just makin up excuses . (:
but dis sunday mayb pojie nak bkak botol . CHIVAS !
woww ! temptation sia . cb tols . takpe2 .
c how it goes . ((:
klah . nytes . muahks ! <3

-.-'

Clubbing yesterday .

But seriously no mood for all that .

I dont know why im starting to think about him again .

was in the bus on our way to Clarke Quay , thinking bout him .

was gonna cry . but stil stay strong .

changed my wallpaper to the tazzy he airbrushed when we just got to know each otha .

im not okay , m i ? idk ! fuck !

was thinkin of getting drunk yest . but when reached there , lost the mood to drink . -.-'

i know i dun haf anie feelings fer him animor .

but y i stil mish n care fer him ? idk !

sometimes i just hate maself . i hate this feelings im feeling . -.-'

MSN conversation . That will be the last . (:

Sazali Toyol says :
can do me a favor?

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
wad ?

Sazali Toyol says :
bbl serious jap leh?
bout us...
can?

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
ape ?

Sazali Toyol says :
hmm..
cam ne ehk nak start
u have anytin 2 ask me tak?

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
ape yg eu nak ckp eu ckp jek urh .

Sazali Toyol says :
takpe lah..
nvm

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
ckp urh .
dahh ckp gtuk behh takk bbual .

Sazali Toyol says :
hm..
takut sakit kan hati u..

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
takpe .
dah biase .

Sazali Toyol says :
takmu ckp gitu
haiz..
sblm ape2..
i wana say sorry n also thk u 4 all the things u have done for m
me*
sorry cos i gave u hope..
sorry i always ignore u..

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
n y ish dat ?

Sazali Toyol says :
thks cos u always b there if i need u..
dun ask why lah.
i also dunnoe
but i want all dis to end..
not even as a fren.. i just cant lah..

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
y not ?
cus i always kacau eu ?
disturb eu ?

Sazali Toyol says :
yeah.
sorry
i dun like

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
okae den .
sory

Sazali Toyol says :
no im sorry not u

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
no .
im suppose to say dat to eu .
ish dat all ?

Sazali Toyol says :
tsk ape2 lah..
yeah tats all..

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
ok .

Sazali Toyol says :
have u got anytin 2 say?

ZaRa_biOlz LuRpEz says :
just take care .

Sazali Toyol says :
u 2..

Last message received at 3:32 AM on 4/2/2011.

What do i actually want in life ? I dont know ? That's not a good answer .

i realy dont know wads gonna hapen next .
i dun even noe wad im thinkin ryt now ?
why do i like him so much ?
n why he reminds mie of toyol so much ?
the way he acts , the way he toks .
haish . i dun think we wil ever b tgt .
even if he sound mie now , i wud haf rejected .
he's a mature guy . mie ? not even near . haha .
he's expectin a future . wher as i dun even think abt it YET .
well , mayb i do . my heart is ready to commit .
but me , myself n my life like dis ? NO !
i hafta change b4 finding a guy .
my stubborness always gets in the way .
haish . y was i born like dis ?
can i just shut maself down just like a computer ?
or mayb reboot ?
ARGHH ! fuck man . i hate dis life .

The Girl Inside Me

Lets welcome AtiM back .
In my life . haha .
The symptoms are there .
Tak keysahh , kutok org , tak pedulik ape org rase . haha .
Slow and steady ......
n BOOM ! We attack !! haha .
But someone said she hates AtiM .
Y ehk ? okay pe .
hmm . sedih shey org tak suke kter . haha !
takpe lahh . asalkan ku bahgie sudahh . (:
lebih baek ku jdyk cam dulu . daripade makan aty . (:
i really mish those tyms .
i really ned AtiM now to move on . ((:
haha .
Adios ! ((:

Random post . Random feeling .

gosh !
I LOVE YOU !

[[L]ad[Y]o[L]]

i realie think dat i shud take a break from lpakin . haha .
i mean , seriouslie . i must !
okaes dis ghurl's thinks dat - it is fun havin them ard . they make me hapie n stufs . yea .
but dis young lady thinks dat - it ish tym to think about your future . eu shud have started plannin by now . a gud one .
haish ! pai bler kann nak cam niek .
unhealthy lifestyle ! ((:
i wil start by concentratin on my job .
den i can make the next move . ((:
ehk bdw ! end of the month nak enrol lesen okay .
with syarull n fyfie .
tuh pon lau fyfie jdyk .
lau tak jdyk takpe , ku amek nan syarull .
lau syarull tak jdyk takpe , ku amek sorg . ((:
ckp tak gune , tembak tak kenek .
just wait n c lahh . hmmmm .
bdw kann ! mie n fyfie planned to do tattoos .
hmm . shud i ? idk .
i realie wan to haf one . no ! 4 ! haha .
ntah lahh ehk . dats not important anyway .
bdw , tdyk abg ckp , ku dahh jual SP ku aru kau nak amek lesen . haish .
hahaha . takpe lahh . its not the tym fer mie to b a minah rempit yet . *winks2*
klah , i wana slep . later werkin at 7am (abg anta) . haha .
nytes loves . muackies ! (:

After 10 Months . . . . Still the same old ZaraBiolz . (:

woahh ! blog lahh shey .
hmm . almost 1 yr ku tak update blog . hehe .
wad hapen ehk . . . .


hmmmmm .2010 , thru out the year ive been in n out of love .
dats a normal thing ryt ? haha .
but stil , i onlie haf 4 ex okayy .
maintain dokk ! hees .
2010 taught me that not all 'tue kutoks' r matured n not all 'anak abus' r immature . (:
n yea , ive learned how to overcome heartbroken-ness . haha ! in a way urh .


recentlie , ive a family at BP .
We care , we share .
Simple life . Full of lafter , joy , happiness n also sadness .
With them ard , i dont feel down .
Always 'UP THERE' . whaeng ! haha .


But now , i think dat im gona stay at Marsiling back .
Someone told me that i know wads ryt n rong fer me .
Its just dat i dun bother to think about it .
First step to change everything bck to normal ish to go bck Marsiling .
Den from ther , its easier to see the ryt path .
N he said dat my BP family influenced me .
Dulu tym tgl Marsiling , slalu gy keje .
Smlm mabok pon sok tetap gy keje .
Tpyk at BP takk gy keje . haha .
But wad he said is true lahh kann . (:


Okayy . 2011 - A Brand New Start !!!!!
Lets make a change .
A big change . ((:
I hapie , ma family hapie , everyone hapie . Weeeee !~
n lets not think too much about love life dis year okayy zara ?
Atim wouldnt wana c dat hapen .